OLD DEPARTURES NEW BEGINNINGS
time erases everything
it´s a losing battle: merciless motion of hands, the subtlety of digits shifting shapes, upon our wrists we keep the weights that drag us down, we´re all defeated trying to keep up with all these days and nights that run away, dragging us all along with it, refusing to leave us unchanged, merciless motion of hands, folding over constantly, around and around, no body can be certain of its form, try holding on to something, falling to bits and pieces, everything`s left traces and overnight winter arrived plucking even the last leaves with its burning cold, time erases everything.
repetition, repetition over and over again, we´re going in the only direction that we know: it´s always only backwards, the past is here to stay, rewind the tape and discover traces of our dna, stagnant, summarized existence, we revolve around the same narrow-minded coward´s dictionary, all meaning already attributed, everything right where it belongs constant and consistent, a life passed in subjunctive prolonged-infinitely, all the would haves, could haves and should haves prolonged infinitely, security, security, try so hard to prolong this infinitely, none of this really matters anymore, it´s so quiet here, a numbed pulse, a flatline.
splitting the seams
there´s no running away from this, there´s no stopping this slow decay, a little more everyday comes apart and breaks away, things are splitting at the seams and in time give way to what´s hidden underneath, things better left uncovered, try holding on to this, try making loose ends meet, you´re holding on to this with all you´ve got, but when it´s against the odds of time and space you can only live in denial for so long, because you can hear the glaciers calve from miles away, and in motion waves recede, increasing the gap in between, and that ringing in your ears fades away with distance, and now our disappointment sits between us, but it´s alright, it´s ok, nothing ever stays the same.
there´s no way back from here, i´m past the point of no return and it is too late to stop, somewhere i went wrong, on the dark side of the moon and it´s getting harder to breathe, now i am along for the ride, besides what else is there to do, it´s a feeling of slipping, slipping without falling, should have known better, should have seen the signs, the flashing lights, go on and off, put your head in your hands, there´s darkness growing down the corridor, the lights flicker and go out, i see cracks all around me, all sides are caving in on me, one more chance, just one more chance to get everything right, now all it takes is one false move and i´m gone.
no, everything is not alright and you just can´t always force a smile, the compromises and demands, the teeth and excrements, all these wars of position – they scratch and claw at you, break you down piece by piece, at a new low – “what have i become, whose face is this, my features begin to blur, my reflection i don´t recognize anymore, oh my contradictions, my many contradictions, i´m dying little deaths and living petty lies”, to walk through fire well is what matters most now, heartless, in a heartless world try not to lose yourself.
no kind of home
in and out of doorframes, it´s just a brief smile and then we´re in the company of white walls and strangers again, old departures welling up, you´re moving out of focus, fading away from view, getting smaller and smaller, into the void, blackened nothing, seems i´m all distance and time lost, i´m the great disappearer, every step is a separation now, putting more miles between us, mixing memory and desire, and it´s going to be a cold and lonely winter, a year with no light and a long, long way from home, in the company of white walls, half hearts in its chest, we crawl in and out of empty beds and sing ourselves to sleep in cold, cold sheets and wake up all alone, this is no kind of home.
leave the lights on, i´m on my way, leave the lights on, i´m coming home, on my hands and knees and by the skin of my teeth i´ll make the way somehow, i am coming home, prepare your heart not to stop too soon, i´ve been gone for too long, but don´t you worry, just hold your breath a little longer, i´ll be home soon, breathe in, breathe out.
i will show you fear in a handfull of dust
inside all of us is hope, inside all of us is love, inside all of us is longing, a need to feel at home, you pray for one face that won´t change, always looks at you the same way, inside all of us is doubt, inside, all of us are lost, inside all of us are lonely, inside all of us is fear.
IF THERE IS LIGHT IT WILL FIND YOU -EP
thorns and shroud
decadence at arms length, in your jesus christ pose, the nails are being driven, “and all of that sad black has sunk into your skin, scene points for the image”, pretentiousness dripping from your fingertips, a celebration of testosterone instincts, self indulgent, self revered, self serving, thanks for the show.
i´m shaking hands with silent knives, sleeping with snakes at my breast i should have known, traitors, liars, thieves – they´re having plans we don´t conceive, traitors, liars, thieves – all sharpen their teeth, in crooked rooms their smiles are bent, they speak in tongues and bear their fangs and build you up to tear you down, piece by piece they tear you down, traitors, liars, thieves – i wish you all had one neck and my hands were on it.
smaller and smaller
at a new low and oh how strange gravity works when the ground´s pulled from beneath your feet you´re headed for the bottom, unfortunately, unfortunately – so on and so forth, it´s written a thousand times, so please spare me your sympathy, laughter rings loud smearing the air, and i´m weighing wasted time in empty hands, shuffling my feet out the door, carrying what bits are left of me in my graying hair, their eyes stare right through me, i´m getting smaller everyday, smaller and smaller everyday, “just leave there standing my shoes (…), the left one upright, the right one on its side, there like that frozen in time, empty forever”, how would i have known i was so close to being nothing at all.
and just like that i´ve lost the ability to speak, piano gigante, my vision has become colorless, blackened nothing, all dry and empty, saturated, battered bleak
these days i´m made of clay, i could sleep forever and wait it out, wait it out, the march of endless minutes without an impulse, there is nothing to forget and nothing to remember,
and just like that another year is gone and it has left its marks on me, pulling all teeth one by one, now my only emotion is quiet despair,
old man you´re now one of them, i used to think it could never happen, but it did so fast, now i don´t know myself anymore, “scheiße nein, ich will nicht wie mein vater sein”.
OF CONCRETE CANYONS AND INNER WASTELANDS LP
less than nothing
these stacks pile higher, momentary this bliss, these petty trophies – they don´t stand much of a chance, small victories loosing momentum fast, so quiet this triumph and expiring fast, our need for whatever prolonged infinitely, it can never be enough, it can always be better, it´s more not less, it´s lacking substance, it´s nothingness and it´s adding up, the myth is alive and doing well: what you own is what you live and all this plasticity and exces: only a heap pf broken images, just too many shadows for what´s not there, less than nothing, our lives are empty, we have nothing or maybe less and it´s adding up.
we must run, we must run, we must run
fluorescent lights, neon signs, the bright city on the white line, along that white line leave this concrete noise and steel, we died a little in all of these places with burning light and rusted steel, burning light, rusted steel ribcage coffin, habitat toter herzen, in cities that never sleep our dreams forgot to come alive, we are the somnambulists breathing dead air, we breathe and consume and we pretend and get lost in these concrete canyons again, it is a dead dead town and we must run, we must run.
dem staub keine träne
twitching nervously das lächeln des mörders, der an die arbeit geht, das wort umdreht zum tönenden knebel und mit seinem atem würgt, die kiefer mahlen wortleichen und sprachmüll, your mouth is full of guillotines, there is blood in these teeth, lying, stealing, cheating – everyone and all, they watch the rolling heads and feel no guilt and then dance on the corpses ashes, dem staub keine träne, hier ist immer gewalt, hier ist immer kampf, es ist der ewige krieg, they will fool the world until it is theirs, lying themselves right up into heaven
expl.: don´t put your trust in other people, they will turn around and fuck you up, it just seems like charity begins at home for everyone, people are willing to stop at nothing as long as there are benefits to reap.
the dead next door
racist administration, bureaucratic inhumanity, sign away their lives on the dotted line while nothing is justified, there is a war being waged and the dead are on our doorsteps, the dead are on our doorsteps but their names are never told, in the dead of night there is the pound on the door, one more nameless face, one more grave, thousands and how many more, constitutional – we give it a new name everyday: the illegals, the criminalized, the unwanted poor, tossed into the backalleys and into the camps, es gibt hier nichts mehr zu beschönigen, unsere moralische bankrotterklärung, we let them drown, we let them die, thousands and how many more.
mistakes and misdirections
fear and trembling, these eyes speak fever and irresolution, panic is tied too close around these weak wrists, it cuts the flow, our blood turns bad causing our legs to fold, twisted into fierce knots and all the teeth and knives are too dull to slit it loose, ashes and dust left of our plans, our spirits bent low so low and all the second bests and lost fights – i can see a future of nails in empty coffins and it´s so sad we´re all feeling a lack of direction and it´s so sad all of us don´t know where we belong, und dennoch: perspektivlosigkeit ist nie eine perspektive, the fatalists live to fall, mistakes and misdirections – we´re all so imperfect and flawed but that´s what makes us beautiful and oh don´t worry because tomorrow we will run faster.
expl.: ever get the feeling you´ll never gonna amount to something? me too, still there´s no use in writing yourself off. fatalist views never get you anywhere, i´ll prefer illusion to despair anytime.
4 WAY SPLIT LP WITH ZANN, GHOSTLIMB & PERTH EXPRESS
for medications only
for the hearts we lost, we all lost so much, for fading memories and yellowed portraits stumbling around for goodbyes and never care tostop dissolving, for the days that go to waste, the days that hang themselves in darkness where boneless fingers cripple and smashed tongues split, for nights that find no end, the nights of blackened sighs and little deaths that cut to the bone of folding legs and just lie down and mate with our fears, with everything weighing down, we all just seem to fall apart sometimes when the orange wet of streets and the faint glimmer of unbroken horizons conspire with our longing, from the lump in your throat to the throbbing in your heart this is medicine dripping comforting bliss, tapping the vein of consolation, pumping electrified motivation, battery acid inspiration.
expl.: we often go to music for emotional and spiritual renewal. music or other forms of art wether it is literature, painting or other ways of being creative can offer strength, faith or comfort. with their universal language that speaks to the soul it is medicine in its most literal sense.
who will survive and what will be left of them
zitat des alten, die kultivierung abgegriffener rituale und leerer phrasen, das erbrochene von vorgestern verhallt ungehört, schall und rauch und doch immer wieder hervorgewürgt, zitat des alten, so viele wörter deren rauheiten sich längst abgeschliffen haben, es gibt hier keinen neuschnee mehr, in der szene nichts neues, vage allgemeinplätze, das fördern altbekannter standpunkte, repeating popular chants what do we hope to accomplish, the strung out regurgitation of dead words, and it goes on forever, die freiwillige ghettoisierung von positionen, wohin soll das führen, wie soll das bloß mal enden, für immer zufrieden mit dem nischendasein, irrelevant, gescheitert, versagt.
expl.: 2am in a garage of some kid, in the middle of nowhere, boise, idaho, this song took shape. it´s about the tendency of movements like the hardcore/punk scene or the leftist to develop dogmatic views. something that can be counterproductive in a lot of ways since it not only hinders progression but can also serve to separate from other people that could learn a great deal from the perspectives held within these movements.
ps.: thanks also to the wonderful people of Tacomas G-street house for letting us rehearse the song in their basement for days on end.
SPLIT CD/LP WITH COMADRE
too many teeth are bared in this, it`s why we never speak, syllables spit in convulsions all wasted breath on spit and bile, we`re out of tune and i`m out of breath and blood recedes from veins like dead words from wide open mouths, emptied and drained, our language could never survive this monologue, your features distorted, a product of polemics, controversy for its own sake, continously falling back on the legitamacy that you claim and it`s all black or white, bared teeth and old animosities, i am the enemy you must fight until the bitter end, now keep your war i made my peace, this lost battle leaves nothing more to say, not one more word it would be ridiculous suicide, welcome tongue tied defeat, but at least i tried.
home sweet home
welcome home, for now we`re safe, constant and consistent, we`ll keep our doors blocked and spend squandered decades lulled to sleep, born as cowards and champions of complacency, we are alive but just barely breathing, gasp, fetal position, hold your breath, play dead, dead calm, old dead end security, day in day out these four walls towering miles high, our polished western grave, polish this western grave, bewegung in festen grenzen, we`re going in the only direction we know, unsere schutzpolitik des arrivierten wohlstands und der gemütlichkeit, uneingelöste versprechen, nichtrealisierte ziele, nichtgedachte möglichkeiten, eine weigerung von der zukunft auch nur etwas anderes zu erwarten als die fortsetzung des bestehenden, day in day out we raise our glass and drink to nights of little deaths, where the residue of all our nights is changed to the comforting confines, to family structures, the division of labour and our property rights, and then, and then?
living like the living dead
roles accustomed, strings attached, mastered the art of living by dying, we`re the living dead, the worker bees, the human meatstock led to slaughter, we`re all like skeletons dancing to the rythm of our bones, was bleibt mensch wenn der alltag das leben bestimmt and only function remains, was bleibt mensch wenn der tage zu neige geht and i`m not sure what i`m living for, this isn`t living, this isn`t real, this isn`t me, this could never be me, it`s all i want to be free, please promise it will be alright again, take me out of here, just take me anywhere, sometimes i desire anything just to feel alive, still dying to live.
on our losses and our tears
oh how the rain seeps into every pore, sighing wetly it finds its way into the ground, a cold and slow decay that swallowed my heart, and you don`t move anymore, and i can`t keep home from leaving, these walls don`t speak in present tense anymore, only yellowed memories and fading light, relief and hurt, letting go and holding on, the binaries multiply into a deafening roar, life always goes on after the damage is done, we are all so tired of hurt, so sick of goodbyes, “everyone i know goes away in the end”, they disappear with enormous silence, you must learn but so often on our losses and our tears.
SELF TITLED EP
the charme of flickering lights
neon golden city light silhouettes, all chrome, brickwalls and rusted steel, kühl und hell in den augen die flickernden lichter, und irgendwo da oben der grenzenlose horizont, neon golden city light silhouettes, the charme of flickering lights, all chrome, brickwalls and rusted steel, hinter glänzenden fassaden, wir die lebenden schatten, eingelullt in unsere träume, kühl und hell in den augen, die flickernden lichter und irgendwo da oben der grenzenlose horizont, we`ve got skies in mind but no stars to see, and all this concrete, noise and steel, glücksversprechen die keine erfüllung gebracht haben, und alles was uns bleibt ist beton, eingeborene des betons, parade der zombies, in cities that never sleep the machines gears turn constantly, ewig fortlaufende mechanik, banale absurdität unserer lebenskonstrukte, our cultivated assembly line existences, zwischen trümmern und bauschutt wächst der neue exzess, we run between concrete canyons, and if you don`t run across these streets you`ll simply get run over, trampled underfoot, the meat stock is on its way.
gekünstelter wortschlamm aus pesudoleibern, falsche niemandsleiber, wie schreibt man verlogenheit, lieber wollt ich die menschheit in zwei stücke brechen und in der leeren mitte wohnen als geheuchelte lächeln erwidern, backpatters, wellwishers, bloodsuckers, schauspieler seid ihr lügner und verräter, ekel am vorpräpariertem geschwätz, am verordneten frohsinn, it`s just like shedding skin, everyday case studies in hypocrisy, let your teeth sink deep in flesh and suck the marrow from the bone, bloodsuckers
dust from our fingertips
we`re shipwrecked, we`re ghosttowns, we`re graveyards, whatsoever still haunted ghosts condemned to repeat the past, you can`t deny your past or simply fade, we`re all casualties of time and space, i`m sorry for all we were and could have been, oh my god we`re so far gone, so distant now, a fading lull echoing our temporary connection, this is dead dust falling from our fingertips, and now it`s time to carry on i can feel it in my bones, and now it`s time to go home i can feel it in my bones, but i`m not so sure where home is anymore, i just want to forget, i just can`t seem to forget.
you can`t fake the funk
hop on board, take a ride, a brandnew steelhorse drives our foreign exchanges home, it`s one more nail into the coffin of this gutted corpse, happily laid to rest and buried, unsere moralische bankrotterklärung, solange die kasse stimmt sind wir auf beiden augen blind.
countless miles underfoot etched into forever, pushing on outrunning time and space, given these moments only to vanish away? like moonlight nights dying fadedly, gravity shifts, this is a broken road now, this one will not arise again, this is over and done, and it`s like nothing ever happened at all, dead dust, dead memorial, this is over and done, outrunning time and space, we outrun ourselves, this summer is over but you haven`t seen the last of me, this summer is over but it will never be dead in me.
au revoir tristesse
and we transform space, and the air we breathe seems like our own, petty attempts at forever condense in a blur of body lines, unknown faces and on stone cold floors, and during late night drives it`s a communion, a kind of reunion, a true coalition of dancers and the young at heart, flasbulb momentary assesment zwischen gestern und morgen, hier können wir einfach mal wir selbst sein, this is our living, breathing, sweating, screaming testament, please don`t take this for granted, this is our/ my everything.